there's no distance that could hold us back.

2010. it's been quite a year.

holy moly.

when i look back over the events of the past 12 months, to be quite honest, i'm surprised i made it through with any sanity at all! between buying a house, wedding planning, and being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, i was a giant stressball for most of the year. i am so thankful for a tremendous and caring God, and a family and friend support group that have really helped float me along on their encouragement. i couldn't have made it through without them...

or without chris.

this man came into my life at precisely the right time. God is so good with His timing. i have come to understand love so much more fully through chris' patience, actions, and through his own love for me. i cannot begin to express what an incredible blessing it is to be married to this man- God really knows what He's doing.

and so, 2011 is almost here. i'm reminded of a Christmas song lyric by john lennon- "and so this is Christmas, and what have you done? another year over, a new one just begun." i've been asking myself lately, what has this year been about? and i get the same one word over and over again: me. this year i have been so focused on myself, and that's scary. i can't and shouldn't live this way. God commands us to live a life not of our own flesh, but a life lived for Him. so with 2011 around the bend, i have committed to a new way of living: God's way. i will use this next year (and those beyond) to see outside of my own walls and live for others, not for me. to build a foundation with chris that is seen as holy and good, and to keep that foundation strong for our (hopefully) future children. after all, our lives are like a mist, and i want mine to be worth something in the eyes of our Lord. so this is God's year. i will do with it what He desires. may i have a heart open to direction. and may i do something worthy of His call in my marriage, my future endeavors, and with all those i am blessed to meet.







hugs and loves.

the difference between shooting stars and satellites.

i'm not really sure how to feel right now.

it's a jumble of emotions, really. a mixed bag. i'm mad, frustrated, scared, and just really, really sad.

but i know God is near. and he blessed me with amazing people to go through this with. and timing couldn't have been better (if there could be "good timing" for these kinds of things), because i have the most incredible husband who will walk through every step with my hand in his.

but it's really hard to take.

i haven't blogged in a while, and there's a lot of catching up to do, but i want to start writing again. i figured it's as good a time as any, and i have a lot to say. and there's TONS of amazing things to write about that has happened in my absent period.

but not tonight. tonight, i'm just going to cry and sleep it out. i'm one confused and upset cookie.







hugs and loves.

if you're wondering if i want you to, i want you to.

for the past two and a half years (really, the last four years), our relationship has been a rollercoaster. we've had very high highs (being very much in love, talking about a future together) and very low lows (broken hearts, not even being able to be around each other).

but we knew what we wanted. and we knew it would take effort. and this time, we were ready to give each other our all.

and amazingly, it's working. sure, we've had our ups and downs, and sometimes it's been hard. but this is our love story. a love story that's been a long time coming, and one that i wouldn't change for anything in the world. you are everything God knew i needed- my balance, my other half, my puzzle piece. sometimes i can't quite believe it, but i am so thankful every day that this is real. i feel extremely blessed.

and i know what's coming, and i'm more than ready. really, i can't wait! i am so excited to share the rest of our lives together, i can hardly sit still. you're the man i will love for all time.

for the past



for the present



and for our future...





hugs and loves.

the hardest part.

tomorrow, and probably forever, will be my last day working at victoria groves elementary school.

it's been five wonderfully incredible years. silly years. trying years. great years. years i will never, ever, forget.

i feel like a piece of me is dying. i am in full control but cannot stop it.

these are students that i care for so deeply. i have known most of them since they were only kindergarteners, and we have grown up together. these are kids that i feel such a responsibility for, and now i'm abandoning them. i've already cried with some of the parents today. tomorrow will be terrible.

i'm trying to be positive with my kids, put a smile on. growth is positive, and change brings growth. we can't stay in the same place forever, and my time has come to move on. i know it's the right thing to do.

but i regret my decision already.

this experience has shown me how much i hate change. i don't even want to think about how much i'm going to miss seeing them everyday.

right now i'm a hot mess, and can't think anymore. i'll leave you with one of my all-time favorites.





hugs and loves.

talking bird.

he says it could come at any time now.


i was convinced i was ready.


i am terrified.


i am so so so so so in love.


any time now.








hugs and loves.

am i asleep or awake?

went to seattle this weekend. reinspired, subdesired, polyadmired.


when i read i write, that seems to be the trend, so here are two.


all of my childhood
(and all of my adult life)
has been spent scheming-gleaming-dreaming up ideas

of the ways i desire things to be

of the weight of love

of the whole i feel my life should be
and the hole i feel should exist when my life is over

how is it, then, that all of these ideas
and schemes
i have so intricitely woven together,
so neat and tidy

all come unraveled
and reshape themselves
in traitorous fashion?
as if in direct opposition to everything
i have hoped for?
like magnetic poles?



and then this.



sometimes
i am just a bird
trapped inside this body

waiting to be freed
of my shell

so my birdsoul
can fly away to heaven

bones and skin
can't hold me in


and i'll end with a shot from the chihuly bridge of glass, so lovely.





hugs and loves.

it's bound to melt your heart.

look at that cute boy! i love him so much, and i absolutely adore this picture (so i just had to share).


i cannot believe that i have gotten myself into such an overwhelming summer already and it's only april! so far, the tasks include:

-planning a full week of curriculum for work, themed around the continent of africa

-planning seven hour-long science lessons, and then teaching them to two sites each week of summer

-leading large group for wwf at church

-vacationing in napa for five days for the sister's birthday

-vacationing at comic con in san diego for four days

-working longer days due to summer camp

did i mention my summer is only seven weeks long? oi! i cannot believe school starts on august 10th this year!

should be a very busy time. the question now is: should i take a class at chaffey too? hmmmm...


hugs and loves.