am i asleep or awake?

went to seattle this weekend. reinspired, subdesired, polyadmired.


when i read i write, that seems to be the trend, so here are two.


all of my childhood
(and all of my adult life)
has been spent scheming-gleaming-dreaming up ideas

of the ways i desire things to be

of the weight of love

of the whole i feel my life should be
and the hole i feel should exist when my life is over

how is it, then, that all of these ideas
and schemes
i have so intricitely woven together,
so neat and tidy

all come unraveled
and reshape themselves
in traitorous fashion?
as if in direct opposition to everything
i have hoped for?
like magnetic poles?



and then this.



sometimes
i am just a bird
trapped inside this body

waiting to be freed
of my shell

so my birdsoul
can fly away to heaven

bones and skin
can't hold me in


and i'll end with a shot from the chihuly bridge of glass, so lovely.





hugs and loves.