if you're wondering if i want you to, i want you to.

for the past two and a half years (really, the last four years), our relationship has been a rollercoaster. we've had very high highs (being very much in love, talking about a future together) and very low lows (broken hearts, not even being able to be around each other).

but we knew what we wanted. and we knew it would take effort. and this time, we were ready to give each other our all.

and amazingly, it's working. sure, we've had our ups and downs, and sometimes it's been hard. but this is our love story. a love story that's been a long time coming, and one that i wouldn't change for anything in the world. you are everything God knew i needed- my balance, my other half, my puzzle piece. sometimes i can't quite believe it, but i am so thankful every day that this is real. i feel extremely blessed.

and i know what's coming, and i'm more than ready. really, i can't wait! i am so excited to share the rest of our lives together, i can hardly sit still. you're the man i will love for all time.

for the past



for the present



and for our future...





hugs and loves.

the hardest part.

tomorrow, and probably forever, will be my last day working at victoria groves elementary school.

it's been five wonderfully incredible years. silly years. trying years. great years. years i will never, ever, forget.

i feel like a piece of me is dying. i am in full control but cannot stop it.

these are students that i care for so deeply. i have known most of them since they were only kindergarteners, and we have grown up together. these are kids that i feel such a responsibility for, and now i'm abandoning them. i've already cried with some of the parents today. tomorrow will be terrible.

i'm trying to be positive with my kids, put a smile on. growth is positive, and change brings growth. we can't stay in the same place forever, and my time has come to move on. i know it's the right thing to do.

but i regret my decision already.

this experience has shown me how much i hate change. i don't even want to think about how much i'm going to miss seeing them everyday.

right now i'm a hot mess, and can't think anymore. i'll leave you with one of my all-time favorites.





hugs and loves.

talking bird.

he says it could come at any time now.


i was convinced i was ready.


i am terrified.


i am so so so so so in love.


any time now.








hugs and loves.

am i asleep or awake?

went to seattle this weekend. reinspired, subdesired, polyadmired.


when i read i write, that seems to be the trend, so here are two.


all of my childhood
(and all of my adult life)
has been spent scheming-gleaming-dreaming up ideas

of the ways i desire things to be

of the weight of love

of the whole i feel my life should be
and the hole i feel should exist when my life is over

how is it, then, that all of these ideas
and schemes
i have so intricitely woven together,
so neat and tidy

all come unraveled
and reshape themselves
in traitorous fashion?
as if in direct opposition to everything
i have hoped for?
like magnetic poles?



and then this.



sometimes
i am just a bird
trapped inside this body

waiting to be freed
of my shell

so my birdsoul
can fly away to heaven

bones and skin
can't hold me in


and i'll end with a shot from the chihuly bridge of glass, so lovely.





hugs and loves.

it's bound to melt your heart.

look at that cute boy! i love him so much, and i absolutely adore this picture (so i just had to share).


i cannot believe that i have gotten myself into such an overwhelming summer already and it's only april! so far, the tasks include:

-planning a full week of curriculum for work, themed around the continent of africa

-planning seven hour-long science lessons, and then teaching them to two sites each week of summer

-leading large group for wwf at church

-vacationing in napa for five days for the sister's birthday

-vacationing at comic con in san diego for four days

-working longer days due to summer camp

did i mention my summer is only seven weeks long? oi! i cannot believe school starts on august 10th this year!

should be a very busy time. the question now is: should i take a class at chaffey too? hmmmm...


hugs and loves.

corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces.

sometimes, i'll have a dream. not like the dreams you dream when your head finally rests itself on a pillow after a long day. these dreams are better, bigger. the kinds of dreams you spend an afternoon working on, or turn to when you have a few spare minutes lying around. lofty, detailed, wonderfully fabricated dreams.

and then, sometimes, i'll just forget about one of those dreams.

it's not conscious really, but i'll just tuck it into one of my brain pockets and keep on truckin'.

but oh! today i pulled out one of those dreams and dusted it off and i don't think it could have shined any shinier. it was a well-made dream, one of my best. tomorrow i'll get to put it on and try to do good by it.


i'll let you know how it goes.



for now, there's this! the skeletal remains from an ACTUAL chupacabra, viewed while chris and i were out for the day in venice! ahh, venice.




hugs and loves.

in a language you can't read (just yet).

this is the official relaunch of the blog. (it's officially official!)

i'm finding that i use myspace blogging less and less and i really needed a new home for all of my thoughts and quips and successes and failures and, of course, all of my lovely photographs. then i remembered that i had an old home that i wasn't using and voila! here we are.


so if you're finding me for the first time, hello and welcome!

if you're an old friend, it's good to see you again!



i'll leave you with a picture of christopher (my amazing boyfriend!) and me, taken when we went camping last weekend. this was during a beautiful walk along the coast of carpinteria. aren't we sweet?




hugs and loves.